Now what?

Well, here I am.  I don't know exactly where "here" is, but it certainly isn't where I thought I would be right about now.  I'm not sure where my path diverged from what I had planned for my life.  I was envisioning me as Dorothy happily tripping down the lovely yellow brick road through the sunlit field of poppies with the spectacular Emerald City Library in front of me and forgot about the Wicked Witch and her flying monkeys.  Dang!  I've always been terrified of those monkeys - and, like Rudolph, the Humble Bumble, but that's for another time.

My library career goes way back - all the way to 3rd grade when I got to work in the school library hanging up the newspapers on those weird wooden poles with slits to hold each section of paper. I won the library helper of the year award in 9th grade and started getting PAID to work in the public library at age 16. You name a job in a library and I have done it - including shelving; fronting shelves and shelf reading - the most mind-numbing thing ever; repairing books that have been mangled, soaked with every liquid imaginable, chewed, and otherwise look like they have survived the apocalypse; checking in and out materials; reference - which is sometimes answering real questions and sometimes diplomatically showing students the materials they need to write their OWN term paper; running a department; running a branch; supervising staff and volunteers; being where the buck stops for customer complaints; reviewing some truly awfully written materials that publishers actually want to add to our collection; discarding moldy bug-infested donations tactfully; surviving summer after summer's worth of children's programming; cleaning up disgusting messes; dealing with the homeless, the people who bring me poisonous insects to identify (honest), and, bet you can't top this one, once finding a piece of fried chicken smashed into a book and replaced on the shelf. 

The library has been my life for most of my life.  I even met my husband at work - we were both shelvers at the same huge library.  No, you will not find any chairs pushed out at our house, and yes, besides our books, our music and spices ARE in alphabetical order - as they should be.  My children have attended storytime from birth and were all avid readers while still in preschool.  Am I bragging? No, I just know how important it is to read to kids right from the get go.   I have worked every day of the week and schedules from 7:30am until 9:30pm, missed church on Sunday mornings; countless kids' activities and birthday parties; favorite TV shows; going to the doctor, dentist, and vet; neglected the service times for my car, and never had a summer off all for my career in the library.  For the past 25 years.

When I started this career, I loved it.  I am a people person.  I love helping people.  I love reading to children.  The neat freak in me does get all excited when the books are all fronted and are in perfect Dewey Decimal order.  I love being able to order the books people really want.  And I like (most) of the library regulars who come in week after week, either alone or faithfully bringing their kids to the library to read, for programs, or just hang out.  Library people definitely are a certain breed - we're quirky, imaginative, demanding yet quite tolerant of new ideas, and not afraid of new technology.  But, as time has gone by, I feel as if I just give and give and give all I've got, and the reward seems less and less and less.  Budget cuts, fewer staff but more in your job description, more gaps in those folks who are tech-savvy and those who aren't yet still need to fill out a form to get food stamps online or look for a job or get tax help, and the completely non-parent-friendly schedules that we've always had in libraries, and it has taken a toll on me. 

So, here I am 25 years later, after a year-long stint of taking time off to become full time caregiver to my Alzheimer's-stricken mother-in-law.  We just moved her into a facility where she will get the added amount of care she now needs, and I need to get back to work.  The last position I worked for had been filled - they obviously couldn't wait for me to come back at my convenience.  So, the possibilities are now endless as to which library direction I should go. But, you know what?  I have discovered that every time I look at the job listings for librarians (and not just public librarians, either), I have to pause as I read those job descriptions, and with each additional duty listed, I find myself getting more and more tired, drained, and exhausted.  I've been there.  I've done that.  Many times.  Am I qualified? Absolutely.  Am I excited about applying?  For the first time in a long time, the answer is no.  I'm sick of the hours, the demands, the extra workloads, and, frankly, the pretty crummy pay that a person in a profession that requires a Masters Degree has always had to put up with.

So, I don't know what I will find out there.  It is both terrifying and exciting to be starting over at this point in my life.  I am leaning more toward researcher-type positions or perhaps working in the publishing industry - both still somewhat librarian-related, but not really.  For now, I check the zillions of employment websites each day, and every once in a while something exciting catches my eye.  Time will tell, and I will let you know.  But, right now, my eyes are tired of staring at the computer screen - I think I'll head to the library and grab an old favorite. Agatha Christie? Elizabeth Peters? Hmm, maybe even a Nancy Drew.